The Books I Didn't Write (but should have)

My previous goals were to START a book but now my goal is to FINISH a book. In no particular order, these are the ones I'm leaving behind to FINISH the one I'm working on.


"The Economics of Irrational Thought and Illogical Reasoning"

"Outright Lies and Foolish Dares"

"Half-truths and Outright Perjury"

"The Logical Way of Putting It From the Republican Side"

"Evolution of Warfare"

"An Introduction to Information Warfare"

"I'd Rather Be Me Than Reasonable"

"Flowers in the Middle of Shit"

"There Are Some Things That Even Satan Wouldn't Do"

"Pretending to Be Interested in Others"

"Lessons From An Idiot"

"I Was So Very Small" (My feeble attempt at poetry. Be thankful I quit without sharing.)

Intolerance and Impatience

Today I hope for intolerance and impatience.

If you see hatred or bigotry, do not tolerate it. Be intolerant. Be indignant. Take a stand for what is right.

If your child is rude to another or misspells a word, correct them.

If your elected representative fails to look out for the best interest of your community or the world, call them on it. Write, call, text … make your displeasure known. Support a better candidate.

If your child cannot read, do not wait for their next report card. Take your child’s narrow behind (or wide behind if that be the case) to the library. Read to them, with them, for them. Make flash cards. Turn off the television and take away the electronics. Require reading.

If you are in the store and the clerk decides to pay more attention to another worker, remind that clerk that their employer and its suppliers and their customer are depending on that person doing their job to the best of their ability at all times.

If you see someone throw litter on the street, admonish them. If you can’t admonish them and stay safe, at least pick it up. Do not allow the trash to remain.

If someone you love is abusing drugs or alcohol, tell them how their behavior is affecting you. Be firm. Do not tolerate their bad behavior in your presence.

If you are lonely, be a friend. Do not patiently wait for a friend to find you. Go outside of yourself and make it happen.

Be intolerant and impatient today. Make something good happen.

Day 14. Did I Ever Get Out of the Station?

Day 14 and nowhere near the end of my journey. This journey reminds me of pretty much everything else in my life. I lose focus. I end up at the wrong place and even though it's usually a very nice place to be, it's not where I intended to go.

I was supposed to hope for something everyday, but I did not do that. It didn't have to be the same thing, but it could have been. It didn't have to be something large or even attainable. All I was supposed to do was hope. But I didn't. Instead, I was me and questioned everything and tried to dissect hope so that I could understand it.

Is hope really dead in me? Just thinking that thought makes me sad. I can't imagine my life without hope. Perhaps it is just the opposite. Perhaps I hope so much and dream so big that trying to quantify it is what is stifling me.

So now I'm at a crossroads. Do I stick to my arbitrary deadline of 14-days for this journey or do I stay on the hopeful train and ride it to the end? I don't see where this is going, but does it even have to go anywhere?

Can I just hope for hope's sake?

Day 13. One More Day And Then What?

One more day on this journey of hope. This is hopefully my next to last post about the topic. Talk about your roller coaster ride. I'm glad I'm not being graded. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I choose the topic. In fact, I had several columns written on that first day, but none of them were posted. There were:

- "Hope Needs a Back-up Plan" (and the corollary "My Spouse is My Back-up Plan")
- "With Hope Comes Disappointment"
- "Do Smart People Hope?"

and my favorite:

- "Is Hope Only for Christians?"

One more day on this journey of hope. The two things I hoped for have not come to pass. Many other wonderful things have come my way but the two things I hoped for never materialized. Things I dared not dreamed came true thanks to people I had no idea were paying attention. (Thanks GT and MI.) Has hope worked for me? I don't know. Although my faith in humanity has been restored by the kindness of many, I'm seeing things through a different lens right now.

What I need is a conservative treaty of hope and courage – a way of honestly distilling historical wisdom through the lenses of modernity, of integrating new insights into the growing structure of law, ethics,and morality of restoring a passionate service to God to the center of my spiritual concern. Rather than worrying about whether I am of any religious persuasion, let me create my own agenda based on whether I am true to my understanding of God’s will, my own take on God's plan for me.

I'm right back where I started. Hope is for dreamers. I plan, I research, I analyze, and I evaluate but I rarely dream. David's dreams are big enough for the both of us. Perhaps that is God's plan for me. Perhaps I did "waste" years going to school just so I would be strong enough and wise enough to heal and raise our son. Perhaps I am only here not to become great but to remind others of their potential for greatness.

If you are reading this, then I give you my permission to become as great as you can dream. You have my permission to change the world. That is my hope, but I still have one more day on this journey.

Day 12. Still wondering

Hope.

The more I think about it, the less sense it makes.

The scientist in me is taking over.

Hope and despair are both just emotions.

Neither makes sense to me.

Control. That's an action. That makes sense.

DAY 11

Sometimes all it takes to keep a hitting streak going is to swing at the ball.

Hope is a Matter of Choice

Ask and You Shall Receive. How many times have I heard that and not understood? It wasn't until the Davids made me watch "Evan Almighty" (instead of allowing me to watch "White Christmas" another time) that my misunderstanding was revealed to me. I learn from the strangest places.

I asked for strength, and God gave me the opportunity to be strong. I chose strength.

I asked for courage, and God gave me the opportunity to be courageous. I chose to be courageous.

I asked for wisdom, and God gave me the opportunity to be wise. I chose to be foolish.

I asked for peace, and God gave me the opportunity to be peaceful. I chose conflict.

I asked for hope, and God gave me the opportunity to be hopeful. I am choosing to be hopeful.

I am choosing wisdom.
I am choosing peace.
I am choosing hope.

Merry Christmas everybody.

Holding the Good Thoughts

It's Christmas Eve. If ever there was a day filled with hope, it has to be Christmas Eve. Christians commemorating the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. Jewish singles holding Matzo Balls across the United States hoping to find suitable matches for matrimony. Little children all over the world with visions of Santa Claus, Saint Nicholas, Kris Kringle, Sinterklass, or Father Christmas dancing through their heads. Soldiers laying down their arms in a Christmas truce praying for a day of peace. Retailers hoping for that last minute shopping blitz so they can make their sales numbers for the year.

I'm glad I let go of the bad yesterday. So many good things came my way since then, none of them expected but all of them appreciated.

Family members have told me how much they love me. Even though I always suspect as much, I never get tired of getting an "I love you" from a family member.

Friends have reminded me that they too love me and value my friendship. I often wonder if they just keep me around because I'm an enigma, but it turns out they really like me.

Facebook friends have reminded me that I am a nice person and that some times bad things happen to nice people, but that I should stay nice. It's wonderful to discover that there are more nice people than bad people in the world.

A neighbor brought us over a bag of groceries. He works for the Pepsi Company and they give out bag of groceries and he and his wife wanted to thank for me keeping such a lovely garden. At first it used to bother me that they would go out of their way to drive by my house every morning but after she explained that seeing my garden in the morning helped her start her day off right, I started enjoying my garden more and taking better care of it. (Turns out many of our favorite foods are made by the Pepsi Company!)

Another neighbor brought over gifts for David Jr. Her son will be 18 on Christmas Day. Three years ago his Dad physically attacked him with a tire iron on his birthday and David Sr. intervened. When Bear found out it was A's birthday, he gave him his copy of the "The Dangerous Book for Boys" which he had just received. Since then, Bear and I go by to visit to check on our neighbor, whose divorce should be final in April. Divorce is bad, but staying in an abusive relationship worse.

Another neighbor invited us in for dinner. We accepted. Her parents were visiting from Alabama and remembered Bear and I from their visit three years ago, so we had a great time catching up.

I could go on ... it was a very long day! As David Sr. and I compared notes on the great things that happened in less than 24-hours, he started crying. He had all but given up hope for humanity but from the kindness of so many, his faith was restored.

I am so, so glad I let go of the anger. My heart is open. I think I'm now ready to start my journey of hope. Turns out I was just preparing myself for the journey before.

Day 7. I Was Not Built to Break

Today marks the end of my first week on this journey. When I started it I didn't think I would make 3-days because "hope" is only a four-letter word and I had no idea how much I had to learn about the subject. I could turn what I've learned this week into a semester-long course and still not dent the surface.

Yesterday I was feeling rather bad about many things and as usual my feeling bad turned into feeling guilty.

We're not where we want to be physically ... we'd rather be in Virginia sitting in my Mom's kitchen drinking hot chocolate with my Dad and looking at the snow out the windows.

We're not where we want to be financially, still trying to recover from investing our life savings into David Bear then building them up again only to have them all stolen from a shady lender out of Florida and losing the rest to a Developer whose great intentions caused him to lose focus and lose millions.

We're not where we want to be emotionally, wasting too much energy on trying to get where we want to be physically and financially.

My bad feelings turn to guilt because then I remember that we're not at Children's Hospital, Hoag Hospital, or Fountain Valley Hospital dealing with a health emergency.

My bad feelings turn to guilt because I remember that 30-years after the doctors gave my Dad 30-days to live, I can still pick up the phone to call him ... so I do.

My bad feelings turn to guilt because I remember where we are trying to go, who we are trying to save and what really matters ... a continent, a country, a child.

David Sr. must have sensed that I was feeling bad for he called me downstairs just to hear a video. Hopefully I'm not violating any laws by sharing this with you. I encourage you all to go buy the latest work from one of my favorite female artists and help celebrate her return to us.

Whitney Houston: I Didn't Know My Own Strength
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1LS-Se-XS4

My sorrow turned to joy because I remembered that I have so many people who love me despite my many flaws that I should never be sad.

I'm hopeful for the next week, the next month, and beyond. I am hopeful for my son and his friends for despite being in Orange County, there is so much love that crossed racial and religious barriers that I know the world is better today than yesterday. I am hopeful for the world because there is so much hope in even the darkest corner of the world that light shines through.

Thank you for staying with me thus far.

Day 6. I Walk Behind Greatness.

So many people greater than I have spoken on Hope. I am not alone on my journey which is a good thing. I am so often disappointed by people that I think I can depend on (AJ ... I'm talking about you!) that I turn to strangers to give me strength to carry on.

Here are a few quotes on hope that keep me going:

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is to not stop questioning. (Albert Einstein)

We should not let our fears hold us back from pursuing our hopes. (John Fitzgerald Kennedy)

Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do. (Pope John XXIII)

Hope is a waking dream. (Aristotle)

When I get frustrated with others, I like these:

You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty. (Mohandas K. Gandhi)

We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears. (Francois De La Rochefoucauld)

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope. (Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.)

When I don't get my way (which is more often than not):

The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. (Winston Churchill)

Things never go so well that one should have no fear, and never so ill that one should have no hope. (Turkish proverb)

Last but certainly not least, though this does not include the word hope, it pretty much sums it up for me:

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. (Thomas Jefferson)

I'm always looking for more words of wisdom.

Day 5. I Am Not Alone

I thought I was alone on this journey on my hopeful path, but then I looked around and saw more hope than despair. I saw hope everywhere.

Here are just a few places that have been on the hopeful trail much longer than I have. I bet if you type in hope and your zip code, you'll find hope is in your area.

World Hope. Together we can do incredible things.
https://www.worldhope.org/

Hope Worldwide. Bringing Change. Changing lives.
http://www.hopeww.org/NetCommunity/SSLPage.aspx?pid=191

Operation Hope. To eliminate poverty from the cradle to the grave.
http://www.operationhope.org/smdev/clst4.php?id=162

Focus: HOPE. To use intelligent and practical action to fight racism,
poverty and injustice
http://www.focushope.edu/

A Glimmer of Hope. Built on the belief that justice, equality and dignity are everyone’s birthright and where you are born should not determine whether you live or die.
http://www.aglimmerofhope.org/about_us/index.html

Project Hope. Delivering medical supplies where they are needed.
http://www.projecthope.org/site/PageServer

Growing Hope. Helping people improve their lives and communities through gardening and healthy food access.
http://www.growinghope.net/


Kids Hope United. Protecting Children. Strengthening Families.
http://www.kidshopeunited.org/



Out of tragedy comes HOPE, Healing of People Everywhere. Formed by the families of the students and teachers who were murdered or injured at the Columbine High School massacre on April 20, 1999. HOPE's intent is to provide a forum for the victims, their families and people who wish to assist the community toward a healing solution for this catastrophic event.
http://www.hopecolumbine.org/

Hope is even on the map: Hope, Arkansas
http://www.hopearkansas.net


Even when you think there is no hope, there are people still hoping for and working towards a cure for cancer.
http://www.cityofhope.org/Pages/default.aspx

So no matter where you are, there is hope. If you need some, just look for it, and if you have some to share, you won't have to look far to find someplace to share it.

Hope For All

The Opposite of Hope (Day 4 of my journey)

The opposite of "hope" is "despair". From the Merriam-webster.com/ dictionary

intransitive verb : to lose all hope or confidence <
despair of winning>transitive verb obsolete : to lose hope for

That doesn’t sound like a lot of fun, so I guess I’ll stay on the hopeful path. Still I have to be careful what I hope for. The cerebral part of me feels that it’s okay to hope for bad things, but every time I’ve tried that my gut and heart hurts, so I guess I’ll have to follow my gut/ heart on this one.

Maybe that is what I am supposed to learn on this journey, to quiet my head and listen to my heart.


(A warm welcome to my newest follower. THANKS for joining.)

Who Am I To Question God?

My Grandmother used to say that to me when I was a child. She would also say things like “God’s will be done” and “all things in time.” A few years back I caught my older sister saying “well that ain’t nothing but something to do” and I had to lol … if she didn’t sound just like Wootsie then no one ever did. Of all the words my Grandmother ever spoke to me, two echo off my brain wall (sorry VG but I’m just never going to understand the brain like you, so I’m going to continue to say brain wall):

Who are you to question God?

Next time it rains, be sure to tell God not to rain on your yard.

(The last statement has absolutely nothing to do with this topic but it was so hysterical at the time. My elderly next door neighbor was screaming at me for getting water in her yard when I was out watering my Mother’s plants and my Grandmother came to my defense. That is one of my happiest childhood memories.)

Whether or not you believe in God doesn’t matter to me. If you believe, WHY are you questioning and if you don’t believe, WHO are you questioning? It matters not to me.

It’s day 3 of my journey and I still have hope, though I’m not quite convinced that I’m hoping for the right things but I now realize that hope is not some discrete thing but rather a continual process. You can’t put hope on a schedule and give faith a deadline. It’s very easy to lose hope or stop hoping, so maybe that is why Reverend Jackson said “Keep Hope Alive.”

(As an aside, I find it ironic that I keep quoting Jesse Jackson since I have rarely agreed with him on anything in the past. I’ve only been in his presence once (after the LA riots) and was not the least receptive to his words, but that was back in my analytical, non-dreamer days. I wonder if I’d be cheering that same speech today. Things that make me go “hmmm”.)

Some good things happened to me yesterday, though they weren’t the things I had hoped to happen yesterday. They were things I’d hoped would happen last week or next week, but they happened yesterday. Perhaps my hopes shouldn’t be tied to a particular outcome but instead to my entire life.

Perhaps I should listen to my Grandmother’s words and stop questioning God. (Perhaps? … where is that sarcasm button when I need it?)

I question God when things go my way and when they don’t.

My hope is that I can accept things the way they are. I’ll have to listen to my oldest sister on this one, her with her Serenity poster probably still hanging over her wall.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I guess I’m hoping for serenity with some Desiderata thrown in. I hope that is not too much to hope.

(Still working on not putting limits on my hopes.)

Day 2 on My Journey of Hope

Today I have to try a little harder to have hope. According to the dictionary, “Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.” (The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition).

Yesterday I thought I was hoping for something, but it turns out that my hope was not genuine. I thought I was hoping for something good to happen but the truth is that I didn’t believe that what I wanted would come to pass.

I said: “I hope that someone I don’t know gets this from someone I do and likes it.”, but then I began writing my next column and entitled it “With Hope Comes Disappointment”. I was expecting to fail, not hoping to succeed. Here is the opening paragraph of the column which won’t be written:

Another day of hope, and with hope comes disappointment. Some folks think I like winning when in fact, I don’t like winning as much as I hate losing. I expect to win. I usually only try things that I know I’m good at.

Then something wonderful happened. My hope was realized. I received a comment from a stranger. Now mind you, I also received feedback from friends. My good friend RC sent me a private email in which she wrote “I was moved to tears.” My project leader called me and expressed the joy she felt when she read my column … then she asked me for her budget numbers. Friends and family on my Facebook profile “liked” my post. Another acquaintance sent me an email and said “Many great things will come your way over the next 14-days. I will keep you in my prayer.” I loved hearing from them all, but it was this stranger who didn’t come from a friend but rather out of nowhere who fulfilled my dream.

Today I am going to hope without reservation or fear. I’m going to put all my energies into believing that my friend AJ is going to do what he said he was going to do. I’m going to put all my energies into hoping that my debtors make restitution so I can likewise repay my debts. I’m going to hope without a back-up plan and see how far that takes me.

What are you hoping for?

14-Day Hope Journey -- Climb Aboard

When did I lose the ability to hope? I know how to plan, how to analyze, and how to critique. If you don’t believe that I am “hopeless”, consider this:

1. When folks ask me my dreams I usually respond that my husband's dreams are big enough to sustain us both, share his dream and then explain how I am going to contribute to helping his dream become a reality.
2. When folks tell me that our son is “proof that God is still in the healing business” I always concur, but then I immediately explain about the steps we took to improve our son’s chances for recovery.
3. This is supposed to be about hope, but instead I called myself “hopeless”.

So back to hope. When Jesse Jackson started his “Keep Hope Alive” campaign I thought “Well I didn’t know hope was dead.” What an ignorant child I was back then. What could I have possibly understood about hope? I have two wonderful parents who love me, five siblings who treat me much better than I deserve, felt safe in the house I grew up in, have never been hungry, and have always had friends I to whom I could turn. Reverend Jackson wasn’t talking about me but he was talking to me, only I didn’t know it at the time.

I didn’t know that it was my job to hope for those who had no hope. I learned about hoping for others from a child on the Mexican border clinging to a cup of water, a cup which held his daily allotment of water.

When I read Obama’s book “The Audacity of Hope” I didn’t get it the first go round. I’m a black female Harvard John F. Kennedy Scholar/ former Navy rocket scientist married to a black male orphaned-at-birth Eagle Scout/ Air Force academy alum/ architect who helped heal a brain dead, blind, cerebral palsied, lung damaged baby. To me, everything is possible. President Obama wasn’t talking to me, but he was talking about me.

I didn’t know it at the time but it was pretty audacious of me to excel beyond my circumstances. I didn't know how unlikely my existence ever was until I spent an afternoon in Los Angeles speaking to delegates and leaders who were mesmerized that I'd reached my dream of becoming a rocket scientist only to discover that I meant to dream of becoming a research scientist. Be careful of the road you take for it just may take you to where it ends.

When Patti Labelle sang “Over the Rainbow” she was definitely singing to me, but somehow I forgot to make that wish upon a star. I know Judy Garland sang it first but I saw Pattie live and I like her version better anyway.

And when Al Jarreau sang "Could You Believe", I didn't really, despite listening to that song every morning for a year. Drove my roommates nuts!

So now I’m starting my own personal 14-day Hope Journey. Every day for the next fourteen days I’m going to hope for something. I’m going to hope blindly. I’m not going to plan my hope around what I know I can accomplish on my own but instead dare to dream that I can rely on others to help me achieve that which I dared not dream of last night. There’s plenty of room on this Hope Train so feel free to share your hopes with me.

Right now I hope that someone I don’t know gets this from someone I do and likes it.

BANKS KEEP ROBBING US

We have been robbed by the banks again. They borrowed the money based on restrictions to be named later, and as soon as we name the restrictions they repay it rather than live with the restrictions.

- Citigroup (C), recipient of the biggest U.S. bank bailout, struck a deal with regulators to repay $20 billion to taxpayers and escape government-imposed pay restrictions.
- Bank of America Corp., the biggest U.S. bank, exited the program last week after paying back $45 billion of rescue funds.
- U.S. Bancorp and JPMorgan Chase & Co. — two banks with a large Oregon presence — are among those that said Wednesday they were returning funds they took last year from the U.S. Treasury’s Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP).

Did we collect any interest on the billions of dollars or did we just get screwed again by the banks?

Do you still have money in any of these banks and if so, WHY?

WAKE UP.

http://ronaldlewis.com/big-banks-biggest-crooks-ever/

http://www.businessweek.com/bwdaily/dnflash/content/dec2009/db20091214_757347.htm

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121044996&ft=1&f=1006

http://portland.bizjournals.com/portland/stories/2009/06/15/daily34.html

INFO ON CREDIT UNIONS: http://www.creditunionsonline.com/

Where is the money?

Greece is at risk of 'sinking under its debts'

Liberia Sued in London Court for US$20M Debt

Dubai gets $10bn Abu Dhabi bail-out

Countries at risk of bankruptcy from Pakistan to Baltics: A string of countries face the risk of "going bust" as financial panic sweeps Asia, Eastern Europe, and Latin America, raising the spectre of a strategic crisis in some of the world's most dangerous spots.

U.S. deficit sets October record of $176.4 billion


For over a year now, you can not open a newspaper without hearing about some country or large business sinking further into debt. What is going on? Does anyone know? Does anyone care? Is anyone, any country or any organization changing its behavior to reverse the trend and solve the economic crisis?

What is going on in the world today? In your community? In your home?

Are you lying to yourself and others trying to pretend that the economic crisis does not involve you? Why?

Welcome

I said I was going to start a blog, and so I have. Expect controversy. Expect to be challenged. Expect the unexpected. Let me know how I'm doing from time to time and please, invite your friends.