Who Am I To Question God?

My Grandmother used to say that to me when I was a child. She would also say things like “God’s will be done” and “all things in time.” A few years back I caught my older sister saying “well that ain’t nothing but something to do” and I had to lol … if she didn’t sound just like Wootsie then no one ever did. Of all the words my Grandmother ever spoke to me, two echo off my brain wall (sorry VG but I’m just never going to understand the brain like you, so I’m going to continue to say brain wall):

Who are you to question God?

Next time it rains, be sure to tell God not to rain on your yard.

(The last statement has absolutely nothing to do with this topic but it was so hysterical at the time. My elderly next door neighbor was screaming at me for getting water in her yard when I was out watering my Mother’s plants and my Grandmother came to my defense. That is one of my happiest childhood memories.)

Whether or not you believe in God doesn’t matter to me. If you believe, WHY are you questioning and if you don’t believe, WHO are you questioning? It matters not to me.

It’s day 3 of my journey and I still have hope, though I’m not quite convinced that I’m hoping for the right things but I now realize that hope is not some discrete thing but rather a continual process. You can’t put hope on a schedule and give faith a deadline. It’s very easy to lose hope or stop hoping, so maybe that is why Reverend Jackson said “Keep Hope Alive.”

(As an aside, I find it ironic that I keep quoting Jesse Jackson since I have rarely agreed with him on anything in the past. I’ve only been in his presence once (after the LA riots) and was not the least receptive to his words, but that was back in my analytical, non-dreamer days. I wonder if I’d be cheering that same speech today. Things that make me go “hmmm”.)

Some good things happened to me yesterday, though they weren’t the things I had hoped to happen yesterday. They were things I’d hoped would happen last week or next week, but they happened yesterday. Perhaps my hopes shouldn’t be tied to a particular outcome but instead to my entire life.

Perhaps I should listen to my Grandmother’s words and stop questioning God. (Perhaps? … where is that sarcasm button when I need it?)

I question God when things go my way and when they don’t.

My hope is that I can accept things the way they are. I’ll have to listen to my oldest sister on this one, her with her Serenity poster probably still hanging over her wall.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I guess I’m hoping for serenity with some Desiderata thrown in. I hope that is not too much to hope.

(Still working on not putting limits on my hopes.)